Alone At Last

I’m here again. This place… It feels like I’m staring at a never-ending void. It feels so… cold yet so familiar. My hands, my face, my body, they don’t feel the same. I feel like someone different yet strangely, it feels familiar. Who am I? What am I?

“You’re you, Kevin.”

A voice boomed over the non-existent atmosphere. A faintly recognisable voice. A woman’s. A voice that I’d heard before. But, from where? The emptiness rumbled, shaking the surface beneath me.

An earthquake? I thought to myself.

A loud crackle pierced the air as I looked to the ground. The surface was breaking apart, and with it seeped a villainous light. The crackles grew louder as it reached me. I was afraid. Afraid of what would happen if that light touches me, so I ran. I ran into never ending void surrounding me. The cracks chased after me, letting its vicious lights through the empty plane. My heart pounded rapidly. The cracks caught up to me as I fell through the ground. As I fell, my body plummeted into a pool of light, engulfing me of its entire being. I couldn’t see anything, the light had blinded me, what was happening? I panicked and screamed, fearful of something. Yet, I didn’t know what. I was just afraid.

What should I do? What should I do? What should I-

Remember our promise…

The light had disappeared. It was pitch black. The world felt empty again. I felt a hand on my shoulder and a voice. A woman’s voice. Worried and motherly. I opened my eyes to meet my saviour. It was my mother. Fear clouded her eyes as tears were streaming down her cheeks. I lifted my heavy head to meet her gaze. My mother went in for a hug.

“Kevin! I’m so glad you’re alright!”

She had relief and fright in her voice. What was she afraid of? I looked around the room in a daze. Anime posters hung from the closet doors. That’s right, this is my room. Something had happened in my room. My mom released me from her embrace and looked at me with her teary eyes. I had seen this look before. Yes… I remember now. It happened again. I had fainted once again.

This wasn’t the first time I had experienced such an episode. I had multiple doctor visits pertaining to this issue but none of them had a record of this strange occurrence, until me of course. Though the doctors had no name for it, I came up with one myself. I call it the “Nightmare”, an empty void with nothing in it but myself. Every episode, there would be a voice calling out for me or answering my questions. This entity in the Nightmare would never show itself. Was it hiding from me? Was there something it didn’t want to show me? I don’t know, but these episodes had been disrupting my life over and over again. Taking me out of school for weeks at a time and even causing a lot of stress for my mother. Luckily, that stress would be regulated by her boyfriend. Every time I faint, my mother would bring me to the hospital to have them check me once more, and thus, here I am now.

I stared at the doctor as he looked at me with those piercing eyes, judging me from head to toe. I looked to my mother as she looked at me with utmost worry. Her swollen, bagged eyes worry me. She had been crying recently. These 2 months has taken quite a toll on her. After looking at me for a straight minute, the doctor immediately started questioning me of my recent habits and the things I did before I had fainted. I gave him the run-down of the incident, but, as expected, garnered no satisfying conclusion. The doctor sighed as he issued me a medical leave from school for the next two weeks. He must have been tired of seeing me and telling the same old story again. After we had left the room, my mother immediately popped out a plastic water bottle and handed it to me. I declined politely, but she insisted on her offer. Noticing the random stares of strangers, I embarrassingly accepted it. As we were walking to the car, something caught my attention. An old man dressed in rags, was sitting by the side of the street, with a mopey look on his face. However, there was something strange to the man, he was holding up a sign with the words, “No one knows me”. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the sign carefully. The words had changed. Now it is saying, “Hungry Veteran”. Weird. Was I seeing things? This fatigue must have been really getting to me.

Dusk had arrived and we were finally home. I told my mother that I would be taking a nap and to wake me up for dinner. With a worried voice, my mother obliged. I smiled weakly at her as I made my way to my room. The familiar sight welcomed a comforting feeling as I trudged my way to the curtains to close it. After doing so, I jumped into bed and welcomed the sweet embrace of sleep.

It’s near.

My palms started to sweat, I started to panic. I opened my eyes, ignoring my exhaustion.

My body shot back up and I quickly switched on the bedroom lights. I don’t want to go back to that place.

I scanned the room, looking for anything that could keep me awake. Brrrr Brrr. The sound echoed through the room. That’s right my phone! I hastily grabbed my phone that was sitting right on top of my bedside desk. I looked at the screen and found a message by an unknown number. Curiously, I opened my phone, wondering what kind of message he had sent. The number had sent a video, with no name on it. The cover image of the video was black. As I was about to click on it, a sudden streak of fear froze my body. My instincts were running wild with danger. I looked around the room, searching for any anomalies hidden in it. Nothing looked out of place. I turned to my phone and stared at the cover, my curiosity was rising. I wanted to know what was in the video. My body started moving by itself, ignoring all the warnings given to me as I clicked on the video. The video buffered as I waited in suspense. A feeling of overwhelming regret welled as I swallowed my spit. The video showed nothing but a black screen. I heaved a sigh of relief, there was nothing frightening about it. Though, something was strange about the atmosphere. It no longer felt like my room but a foreign menacing place. As I was about to exit the messaging app, I felt a cold breath of air near my ear. I turned towards it, the space was empty, nobody was there.

“Do you miss me?”

I flinched backwards as I heard the voice. This voice… It’s the voice from the Nightmare. Why is she here?

“Do you remember?”

The voice spoke once more, this time closer to my ear. I shuffled carefully backwards until I reached the bed head. I scanned the room once more, nothing had changed. My mouth moved in between shivers.

“Wh-Who are you?” I shouted at the empty space around me.

The air filled with suspense as I awaited her answer. Nothing. She did not answer me. A strange chill filled the air. It was getting cold, yet it felt warm at the same time. A familiar feeling filled the air. Where had I felt this before?

In a split second, I was transported into a snow filled forest in the middle of the day. A snowflake fell onto my nose. I looked up to the skies in a daze. It was snowing. I looked to my hands, they were smaller and covered with snow. I heard a shout in front of me. I turned to the call and saw 2 figures standing in the snow. I stood up from the bench and started walking towards them. As I walked closer and closer, their figures became more and more familiar as I was walking slower and slower. Then, I stopped and muttered in a teary voice,

“Mom? Dad?”

The two figures spun around slowly, curiously looking at me.

“What’s wrong, kiddo? Did you hurt yourself?” The man asked.

I nodded as my tears rolled down my cheeks. Why was I crying?

‘Where did you hurt yourself?” The woman asked.

I pointed to my head as I felt more tears roll down my face.

“Come on, I’ll carry you back to the car.”

With a reassuring look, the man carried me up from the ground and into his arms. With that, I felt as if all my problems had disappeared into thin air. This comfort, this warmth, it all seemed so familiar. The two adults looked onto me with a loving gaze, smiling every time our eyes meet. Were these two my parents? My eyebags grew heavier, I was getting tired. I yawned out loud. Noticing this, the woman gave a little chuckle and said,

“Don’t worry Kevin, we’ll be home soon.”

“Home?,” I said softly.

The two giggled as I was drifting away to a deep sleep.

As my brain begins to wake up, I felt something soft and comfortable by the bag of my head. It felt bouncy, but warm. Then, a hand-like object slowly rubbed my head. I opened my eyes and found myself staring at a familiar looking woman. Her long hair was coloured a light grey and fashioned herself with a plain white dress. Her eyes were of a faded emerald, mundane yet unforgettable. She smiled at me calmly, reassuring me of my predicament. She was gently caressing my head, like a mother comforting her child.

“You’re awake, Kevin.” The woman spoke cordially.

“That voice…” I muttered.

“Do you remember now? Kevin?”

I shook my head in a daze, and the woman let out an understanding gaze. I sat up and scoured the land before me. It was empty. I was back here again. I turned to face her and asked,

“Who… are you?”

The woman did not speak. Instead, she embraced me, holding me closer to her.

“Welcome home, Kevin.”

Home?

I gently pulled her away from me. The woman was tearing. Why was she tearing?

“You have to remember, Kevin. You promised me.” The woman’s voice shook.

The then woman stood up and solemnly walked into the empty space.

“Wait!” I yelled after her.

I chased after her as she gave me one last look before, vanishing in the blink of an eye. Shocked, I ran to where she had disappeared. I raised my hand to reach out to the space where the woman had vanished. There was nothing. It was just an empty.

“Kevin!”

I spun around. Something new was in front of me. A playground filled with children. I was sitting on soft ground as I felt a sharp pain on my knees. I looked down to inspect the pain and saw a deep gash directly on my knee. It was bleeding profusely. The image frightened me as I burst out crying. A woman came running to my side. She then whipped up a packet of tissues and pressed it down on the wound. The tissues quickly soaked up the blood but the bleeding eventually stopped. As it had stopped, the woman then brought me to the bench where she was sitting at and pulled out a water bottle. She poured the water onto my wound and quickly got rid of the dried blood around it. As if by magic, the woman took out a huge band-aid that was the right size for my wound.

“I knew this would come in handy!” She exclaimed.

She applied the band-aid to my wound and made sure that the cotton was just right on it.

“There! All patched up.” She proclaimed.

However, I couldn’t stop crying from the pain. The woman, realising that I was still upset, gave a sigh of defeat. She then edged over towards me and gently clasped her hands onto my chubby cheeks.

“Would ice-cream make you feel better?” She said in a soothing, motherly voice.

Through sobs, I nodded happily. With a chuckle, the woman grabbed my hand and her bag and started walking to a car. The children at the playground bade me farewell as I waved them goodbye. I turned to the image of my mother smiling. She seemed somewhat reassured of something. She then looked back up to the direction of the car. I stared at her curiously, this woman, she seemed so familiar. I reached my hand out and tugged on her skirt and asked,

“Mom, can I have that one?”

“Alright, alright.” My mother said.

My mother raised her hand to grab an elephant plush on the top shelf of the display. My eyes lit up in sheer childish excitement, the elephant was my favourite animal and I would die to- It happened again, reality has once again shifted. This time in an oddly familiar toy store. I looked to the right and to the left. This aisle, it feels strangely dreadful. Something was about to happen.

“Kevin, are you alright?” My mother asked.

I looked to her eyes with fear ingrained deep into it. This fear. This oddly familiar feeling. I’d recognized it anywhere. It was-

“Sir!”

It was a man’s voice. Without a second thought, I bolted towards the voice.

“Kevin! Where are you going?”

A chill ran down my spine, something horrific was about to happen, something that I’ve had never wanted to see again. As I’ve reached my destination, my body froze. A man’s body was lying on the floor, shaking uncontrollably. No, this shouldn’t be happening! Why did this happen? He shouldn’t be like this!

“DAD!” I cried out in terror. Before I knew it, I blacked out.

I woke up with beads of sweat rolling down my forehead. I was still in the Nightmare. I sat up and looked around for my father, he was nowhere near. Were those… my memories?

“Your father, a kind man who cared dearly for his family. It was all he had dreamt of.” The woman’s voice echoed.

I turned around and there she stood, gazing sadly at my direction.

“You were so happy back then, gaining new friends, and enjoying the company of your parents.” The woman voice shook, “He was like a hero to you.”

“How did you-“

I was interrupted by the sound of rain. I looked around me, I was at a cemetery. People were dressed in mourning as they slowly made their way to the chairs behind it. The atmosphere grew grim. Who’s funeral was this? Then, a droplet of water fell on to me and I found myself sitting by one of the seats next to my mother. I looked to her, she was looking down to the ground, controlling her irresistible sobs.

“Jacob was a good man.” A man dressed in a pastor’s clothing spoke. “He was honest, kind, a husband and a father. He has contributed to society as a righteous man….”

The pastor trailed on. Thunder rumbled through the air and it started to drizzle. I looked in front of me, and saw the people attending saying their final goodbyes to the man. My mother and I were the last in line, she held my hand tightly, wishing to not let go. When it was our turn, she knelt beside it..

“Jacob, darling, you said we’d be together forever didn’t you? So why? Why did you have to go so quick?” My mother broke into tears.

Somehow, I felt the need to control my tears, though I was really bad at it.

“You were both forced into a difficult lifestyle.” The woman’s voice appeared out of thin air. “Your mother had to work multiple jobs to keep our lifestyle, and you were worried about her.”

Reality warped once more, this time it was at the living room of my home. My mother walked drearily back home from a tiring day of work and was headed straight to the dining table. She took out a packet chicken wings from the freezer and shoved them into the microwave. After which, her body slumped onto the dining table.

“Mom?” I asked worriedly.

I slowly walked to my mother with a concerned look, curious as to why she was so tired. My mother forced a weak smile as she noticed me coming to her.

“I’m fine, dear, I’m just a little tired. Go to sleep.”

I looked at her with my most concerned and innocent gaze. She was overworked and fatigued, she couldn’t keep on.

“You didn’t have it better in school either.”

Images of my middle school bullies flashed before my eyes. They picked on me daily, calling me a country bumpkin.

“They tormented you, called you names. No one would even help you. They didn’t want to be caught in it.”

The memories stopped appearing.

“Who… are you?” I spoke

The woman looked at me, her eyes revealed an unforgettable sadness.

“It’s me Kevin, Kristen, your friend.”

The word struck a chord in me, it was as if the gears had started turning once again and the memories had come back all at once. Kristen, had been there with me through that whole ordeal. She was the comforting voice that had consoled me when I was getting picked on, she was the one who would listen to me whenever I had something to tell her. The friend that I had needed dearly, that I had created from my loneliness. She had been here all along, waiting for me to return to this empty world I called a “Nightmare”.

“This place didn’t always look like this.”

Kristen swiped her arm to the left and the space behind her revealed a white room with drawings all around it. In the middle of the room, an oak table with 2 wooden chairs sat there peacefully and untouched. The table had paint all over it and the chairs had been left ajar from the table, as if someone had just recently left the table.

“This used to be our playground. You would come up with the ideas and I would draw them. The drawings would come to life in our world and we would play together until dusk.” Kristen continued.

Kristen slowly edged towards me. I took a step back. I didn’t want to go back.

“Why… Why are you still here? After everything I’ve done to forget the loneliness, to forget my father’s death, to forget the neglect that was forced upon me when my mother had no choice but to. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?” I shouted at her.

Kristen stopped dead in her tracks, astonished at my reaction.

“Because, you didn’t want to forget me… Kevin.”

“What do you mean? I’m not lonely anymore, I don’t need you! I don’t want you!”

“Kevin, your friends, you don’t talk to them like you do to me. I am the part of you that understands you the most and deep down inside, you feel alone in your world.”

Kristen started walking towards me again. I backed away from her slowly.

“You don’t understand how it feels like to have friends you can trust! Friends to play with, friends that help you to forget how worthless you are!”

“Kevin…”

“All I ever wanted was someone to love me for who I wanted to be, and my friends do!”

“…Please…”

“We would laugh at the same jokes, play the same games and even watch the same movies. I was finally not alone! Now you’re here to take that away from me, just because you felt lonely!”

“…Stop…”

My eyes started tearing.

“My mother finally has someone that makes her happy, someone that could support her through her times in need. I’M FINALLY HAPPY!”

“Kevin…”

“I DON’T NEED YOU TO FEEL SAFE ANYMORE, SO STOP-“

Kristen managed to come close enough for a hug. I struggled to break free but my body felt like it was weakening. Kristen caressed my head slowly, gently soothing me to my knees. I started crying. It was the first time in years that I had cried this much.

“Kris, I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s alright Kevin, I’m here.”

I hugged her tightly.

“Everyday it feels like I’m losing to this deep abyss that I can’t escape from. Like everything I do just doesn’t seem to be enough.”

“I’m here with you.”

“I’ve been hiding it this whole time, putting on a face so that I can please others. I don’t know what I am anymore.”

“I’m always here, Kevin.”

“Everything is just so hard without you. I thought I could do it, but I just can’t.”

I shifted my head to her arm, sobbing like a child.

“I miss you, Kris, please don’t go.”

“I’ll always be here.”

I closed my eyes, embracing my one true friend as the light in my eyes begins to fade away.

I opened my eyes once again. The ceiling fan was spinning rapidly. I sat up slowly and got out of bed. I opened the door to my room, the house lights were off. Did I oversleep? I walked to the kitchen in a daze and opened the fridge, there were leftovers with a sign saying “Heat up for 5 minutes”. I smiled, my mother had always cared for me dearly. I got the leftovers out and placed them into the microwave. As my food was getting ready, something caught my eye. I spun around and noticed a wooden table at my backyard. I started walking towards it and recognised the details of the table. Dried coloured paint splattered across the table with two chairs just slightly ajar from it.

I started tearing up and smiled. It had been there all along. Waiting for me. Kristen sat quietly at the table, looking up to the moonlight. She turned around and our eyes meet. She smiled,

“Welcome home, Kevin.”